ESPN Sportscenter with Steve Fox and King. "Welcome to ESPN's Sportscenter. I'm Steve Fox with my esteemed colleague, King" The camera shoots to King (With his mask on still on) "Today we have big news in the wrestling scene. Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels made a surprise appearance on WWF Smackdown.

The two suddenly came out of retirement. They both challenged The Rock and Triple H for a match on Wrestlemania 20 held at Madison Square Garden. The shocking news is that not only did the duo come out of retirement, they actually TEAMED up to take down the popularity of Triple H and The Rock. Now, if anyone knows there wrestling history, these two were big archrivals. No one knows why they came back to the limelight. Some say that the two are very old and want to feel the glory of the old dayz when they were wrestling in there prime. Some say the two are just flat out bored"

"They're goal. To stop the weapon attacks of Triple H and the jibber jabber of The Rock. The two stated "That the old geezers---i mean the New Generation is back and...i think i'm having a stroke" quoted Bret Hart. We have more on this later on in the show.

The camera now cuts to Steve. "On another topic. Pete Rose is back on the baseball scene after not getting in the baseball hall of fame. Pete has been scheming to get back and show that he still got's the goods to earn him that position. Today, he opened the Rose Palace in Atlantic City. There a special contract was in negotiations in NJ for rightfull gambling on baseball teams who were...kinda...special. But still now confirmed if the NJ governor makes the deal"

"In other news. Boxing greats Mike Tyson (Cuts to a pic of Mike with a muzzle on his face) was released from prison today after eating Evandor Holyfield's hand some weeks ago. Surprisingly, Iron Mike and Felix "Tito" Trinidad have formed some kind of alliance to take down every opposition possible in there weight classes.If you know your boxing history, Mike and promotor Don King have not talked in a very long time. But Tito thinks it might get there championship belts that he and Mike so "rightfully" deserve. Though Tito has since has his belt for 3 yrs now and counting"

"Breaking news now. The NBA just gave us this report on the Olympic Dream Team MVP. People your American basketball MVP is Chris Dudley. We'll return with more after these commercial breaks"

 

Yoshi commercial of Save the Children

 

"Hi, i'm Yoshimitsu. Feared intergalactic ninja. And leader of the Manji Clan. I'm here to ask for your help on saving the...many" Yoshi then quickly shoves a little kid from touching his sword. "As i was saying. I'm here today to ask for a donation for the Save the Children. See, many children in 3rd world countries have these starving children that are suffering CAUSE THERE FREAKING PARENTS CAN'T PUT A CONDOM ON...Sorry, i mean, cause there brought into this world in poverty"

Yoshi is then seated on a small tavern filled with food. "See with the money.--" he then starts munching on a chicken drumstick. "We can save these little bastards from becoming Nike employee's or having a better education then us cause they don't have TV's" A little boy then comes towards Yoshi asking for some food "Senor Yoshi. Can i please have some of your smoke grilled Turkey?" the little boy asked with puppy dog eyes. "Can't you see i'm making a fucking commercial here. Get out of my face you little bitch" Yoshi said putting a drumstick under his mask so he can eat it.

Yoshi then gets his sword and slices a turkey. "Well...your money will help alot...really. Not that these little brats deserve any, since they can't get a freaking job and all. My fuck this shit. Where's my money i was offered for doing this commercial" says Yoshi. The village kids then hit Yoshi in the face with a pie. Yoshi then does his Helicopter move with his swords and attack the kids.

 

Hwoarang's PBS show

 

This show is funded by the Helena Rubinstein Foundation, says the Announcer.

The Announcer then says "Time for Hwoarang's reading hour with...Hwoarang" Camera shoots to Hwoarang smoking a joint.

The director then whispers "Get rid of the pot" Hwoarang then quickly stomps the "Cigarette" on the lush carpet.

"Um..Hi kids. Welcome to Hwoarang's reading hour with...uh" Hwoarang says squinting his eye's trying to read the cue card.

"Oh yeah. Hwoarang. Well kids, today we have a special story today" Hwoarang then sits on a reclining chair with a bottle of Bacardi next to him.

One of the kids then asked. "Hwo...Ra...Bob--" says the kid until Hwoarang cuts him off. "That's not my name you stupid little jerk. My name is pronoucned WHORE or HOE and then RANG. Just like your mom's a whore and i rang her bell. So...get it straight, before i let one of my dawgs bashed your head with a bat" Hwoarang then points to a guy with a bandanna covering his face and twirling a bat.

"So like i was saying. I have a story to tell ya kids that i especially wrote out of my own heart" says Hwoarang opening a notebook. "Its about this...great red-headed Prince called Bobby. And he has to attack this bad guy name Leroy to save his Princess Julia from getting impregnated with his bastard children. Ya excited now?" says Hwoarang with a smile and taking a drink.

The kids just look at each other confused. "Okay, um...Once upon...uh" Hwoarang then signals one of the little kids to help him out with a word. "What's this word?" asked Hwoarang pointing in the book. "Its "A" answered the kid. "Oh..okay. Go sit ya ass down" says Hwoarang pushing him away.

"Once upon a time. The great Tae-Kwon-Do champion...Bobby" Hwoarang then looks at the kids to make sure they don't laugh. "Was one day looking for his Princess Julia. He then received a note stating that his beloved Princess was kidnapped by the ruthless Demon Prince Leroy. Bobby then went on his horse name "Kawasaki motorcycle" to go and save Julia." Hwoarang says always pausing so he can try to pronounce the words

Hwoarang then in-between his words started drinking from the Bacardi bottle and smoking at the same time. "So..he---um. So, the Demon Prince Leroy said "Oh i have Julia. What are you going'z to do's about it'z?" said the Demon Prince. Hwoarang started then looking around his shoulder. "I'm going to call the Welfare and Child Protective Services on your ass. Cause you got alot of money cause you got Queen Ling impregnated with Sextuplets. Or...you wanna fight"said the handsome Prince Bobby.

Hwoarang then drank all his Bacardi and threw the bottle on the wall making all the kids wake up. "Um...so, uh, Prince Bobby then defeated the evil Prince Leroy and got Julia and they fucked all night. Fin!" said Hwoarang quickly. The kids were coughing from the smoke.

"Okay, i think i'm wasted here. *ahem* So...that ends our story...of Prince Bobby and the evil demon Prince named Leroy aka Jin Kazama. I'll beat your ass in the tournament soon you sonabitch" said Hwoarang as he came close to the camera and started shaking it and cursing it out.

Ling The Devil Slayer

This show is intended for our adult and teen viewers.

Ling is then shown entering an antique shop. Ling was wearing knee high boots with a baby tee top with a panda on it and a leather jacket (You know, what Buffy wears) "Hey old man. Do you have any of that. You know...those sprays that give good luck?" Ling asked chewing gum. "Oh yes my dear i do" said the old man has he pulls out a book about Devils.

"Um...that's not a spray. That's a book about Devilz" says Ling rolling her eyes. "You're Ling Xiaoyu. You're the Chosen one. The Devil Slayer. I'm your Watcher. My name is Wang Jinrey" said Wang.

"Um...no i'm not. I left that long ago. The only Devil i slay now is Devil's food cake" said Ling. "Our world is in peril. We need you Ling. Your first mission is to go under a church where the King of all Devils resides in and his Devil Son. Now go, carefully" said Wang as he gave Ling an autographed signed Barry Bonds baseball bat.

Ling was walking near the church. She didn't know what to do. "Like, i don't even know where to go. If only someone would help--" said Ling until she heard someone behind her. She then did a back hand punch, but stopped at seeing the beautiful young man. "You must be the Devil Slayer, Ling right? Names Jin. I'm here to help" said the stranger.

Woe! Talk about a nice piece of ass. I gotta DO this guy. thought Ling as she just stared with her mouth open at the cute guy. "You're hunting the Devil King aren't you? I think i know a tunnel to there" said Jin. He was wearing a hoodie with flames on it. He's so mysterious...but he looks like an Angel (Pun for this story). Ling followed.

Then suddenly when they were nearing the church a group of Devils came. "Oh no. And i just got my nails done" Ling then started fighting along with Jin. Ling then did a kick to a Devil but wound up getting her foot caught inside a tree trunk. But then Jin got stabbed in the chest with a...claw from one of the devils. "Oh my God! I got to get you to my house" said Ling helping Jin.

"Here this should help with the wound" said Ling as she applied alcholol to his Greek god abs. "Um...you shouldn't be so close. I almost put you in danger" said Jin. "Oh that's okay. I'll kill them soon. And...you have such a delicious body. Oh god!" said Ling wiping the sweat from her forehead. "Um...i've been watching you for years Ling. And i---" said Jin until he got cutoff by Ling kissing him.

"Wait aren't we going a little too fast" said Jin stepping back a little. "Don't worry. I'll go fast like a man" said Ling as she continued kissing him. Jin then transformed into Devil Jin. Ling then screamed. "I'm sorry Ling. I'll understand if you want to kill me" said Devil Jin. "No its not that. Its just that....you're really turning me on with those feathers. But i'm allergic to feathers. But i have a solution" said Ling.

"WHAT! How could you? You are suppose to SLAY DEVIL'S not have sex with them" yelled Wang. "Oral sex is not...sex." said Ling. "Besides, he was hot. His name is Jin" said Ling filing her nails. "You bubble brain. That's the Devil Prince Jinseng. He's a devil. You're suppose to kill him" shouted Wang. "But...he's hot. And...i don't have a date to the prom" said Ling beginning to cry.

Lei and Bryan on Cops

"So, i've been working in the Hong Kong police department and Interpol for a very long time. Um, i'm very happy being a detective and stuff. But there are times when it gets too tedious for me. My favorite case was one in Japan" said Lei.

The camera cuts to Bryan shaking his head and mumbling "Oh no not this again" "That's where i met this girl. God she was hot. We were investigating these happenings in this corporation. But i grew to like her ALOT!. Well..."Lei begins to sob. Bryan begins rubbing his temples "Here goes" said Bryan knowing what's coming next.

"She left me for another man. I guess cause he was rich and all. But i was ten times better then that slack off anyway. God, even child labor sweat shop workers make more money then me. I'm so....pathetic" said Lei crying and putting his head on the steering wheel. Bryan just rolled his eyes and realized Lei was driving the car. "Hey dumbass, look at the road" said Bryan getting ahold of the steering wheel. The radio then signaled unlawful prostitution.

"Okay we're on it" answered Bryan. Both cops arrived at a drug infested urban neighborhood. "Sir, you're under arrest" said Lei as he approached an individual with purple leather pants, a purple poet styled shirt, and purple hair. The camera put those box things that won't let viewers identify the person. "Hello Officers. Want to have some fun?" said the gay guy who was going to flash them. "UGH! Get your gimpy ass in the squad car." said Bryan. Lei got out his handcuffs. "OOOHHH i like it rough" said the guy. "Sir, shut up before i Rodney King your ass to the morgue" said Bryan.

The gay guy then ran away from the two cops. Lei and Bryan ran after him. "Stop. Or i'll shoot" said Bryan. "Bryan he's unarmed" said Lei. Bryan then went after the guy and tackled him. Bryan then got out his nightstick and started beating the guy up and kept saying "Is it good for you as it is for me" said Bryan sarcastically still beating the guy up with the stick. "Bryan....stop 'cough' " said Lei out of breath. "Lei you should retire you're too old for this line of work" said Bryan. He then realized all of his actions were caught on camera. "Um...ya gonna edit this out right? RIGHT?" said Bryan with narrow eyes and a psychotic stare.

"Okay...so the individual is in custody from my partner. Uh...i think he'll need anger management classes soon or they'll have both our badges" said Lei walking towards the police car. Bryan then on purpose threw the guy on the window of the car, he then looked at the camera. "Uh....sorry...guy"

 

Marshall and Forest Law on the Cooking Channel

 

"Hello fellow cookers and Chef's of the world. Today, we're going to make a special dish. Today, we're going to make a Law Family special meat casserole dish. Forest hand me the Wok" order Marshall.

"Uh..okay Dad" said Forest as he handed Marshall the wok. "Well, first we gonna put some bred from England Grade A meat. Don't worry folks if you get it from the ole UK it won't have any Mad Cow disease. I test it out on Forest himself and he's just fine. Few tapeworms here and there..." said Marshall. "YOU WHAT? DAD!" said Forest beginning to sweat.

"Daddy's working now, shut up" whispered Marshall with a smile. "Okay, now we put some wine" Marshall said as he grabbed a bottle of wine. "Oh...God...i feel it calling at me Forest. I need to have some" said Marshall his hand trembling where he was holding the wine. "Dad, you just started AA meetings. Please try to control yourself" said Forest worriedly.

"I AM!" shouted Marshall with his eyes wide-eyed. "Okay...put some of this Chardaney 1924 private collection wine....on the dish...." Marshall said quickly. He then slowly tipped the bottle over. Marshall then quickly raised the bottle to his mouth and started gulping it down, with the wine coming out at the corners of his mouth. "DAD! DON'T!" cried Forest as he tried to get the bottle out of Marshall's grasp.

"SHUT UP! I'm in control. I...am...in...control. So, we cook the meat in a nice blazing fire" Marshall then turn on the stove on full blast and a inferno of fire came out of the wok. "You're going to burn the whole studio" cried Forest. "For the last time...SHUT UP! Or do you want me to cut you?" said Marshall as he gulped the last drop on the wine and smash the bottle to cut Forest.

Suddenly a "Please Stand By" screen was shown.

 

Jin in the porn industry

Today on 20/20 with Barbara Walters. We get an inside look on the dark world of the porn industry. And we get an interview with the highest paid actor and his wife about there feelings about it.

"Uh...thank you Jin for joining us" said Barbara. "My pleasure *sniff*" said Jin. "Uh...okay. So, Jin how's it like being the world's most paid porn star?" asked Barbara. "Uh...its not all its cracked up to be. My wife takes all my money. And now she think she's some kinda pimp. And also, its hard to keep this fine physique in shape. All the coke---i mean all the exercise i have to do, can wear me down alot. And also my line of work *sniff* said Jin

"Uh...right. We've heard reports that some actors in the industry use drugs alot to quench there guilt from a troubled life or past. Can you tell us more about that?" asked Barbara

"Uh...there not true *sniff*" said Jin his eyes shifting to the side. "Well, we have one of your tapes here. I believe its one of your best sellers its called "Fatal Fucking" let's see.

Barbara watches the tape and is kinda arouse. Lots of noise is coming from it . "Uh..we had a chance to talk to your wife, Ling Xiaoyu this is what she has to say" said Barbara. Ling is then seen with two hunky guys on her sides. She's wearing a bright pink two piece business suit with gold rings on all her fingers.

"So, Mrs. Kazama. How long have you been married to your husband?" asked Barbara. "Not for too f***ing long. I get all his doe. And he has to take care of his 9 freaking kids. I provide him with all the coke he needs so he dont' be too fat to perform in front of the camera" said Ling as she started kissing this guy.

"Honey, can i have some food to eat now" pleaded Jin. "Damnit what did i say. You can only eat carrots and lettuce. You know the rulez. Don't let me repeat myself unless you want me to bitch slap you. See Barbara, we have a great relationship. I just know what is best for him" said Ling giving Jin a menacing glance.

"But...we don't even talk. God, for what i've done for you. We even made a threesome tape with my father and me both doing it to you Ling. And this is how you thank me *sniff*" said Jin wiping his noise he then had blood all over his noise. "See, grab some coke in the drawers. It'll stop the bleeding. Now don't sniff all that shit up damnit. We need some for tomorrow for a taping. Its called Fatal Lighting strikes again. In your local video store soon " said Ling