|
|
Introducer guy: Ladies, gentlemen and unearthly divine creatures, welcome to Kareoke night!
Audience: (unenthusiastically) yay
Introducer guy: Here's your host, Tekk
Audience: (smattering of applause)
Tekk: >: (
Audience: (bigger applause)
Tekk: Better, now, whilst the guys round back sort out their act-
Paul: Get on with it!
Tekk: (rolls eyes) Here's the house band. Snotrag (drummer), Haemorrhoid (bassist) and Guitar Bloke (lead guitar), Mon-Day!
Audience: yey
Hwoarang: Hey! That's my band!
Kazuya: And my guitar!
Tekk: Dude, where's my coca-cola?
Lee: Dude, where's your coca-cola?
Snotrag: (stops drinking coca-cola) oops (throws can away quickly)
Tekk: Anyway (thoughts: Snotrag! I'll kill you, you Tommy Lee wannabe!), here's our first act...isn't this a surprise? Heihachi Mishima-
Audience: (gasp)
Tekk: -performing a rendition of 'Sliver' by Nirvana. It's that song with the music video with the dancing baby and Kurt with brown hair and...stuff....erm, Heihachi! Come on down!
Kazuya: -To Hell where you belong! You fat old geezer!
Heihachi: Belt up you childish scrub!
Kazuya: SCRUB?!?! You lousy piece of sh-
Jun: (shakes head)
Kazuya: er, you lousy piece of schnit!
Heihachi: (ignores Kazuya) Right, 1,2,3
Haemmorhoid: (bass introduction)
Heihachi: #mom and dad went to a show, they dropped me off at granpda joe's. I kicked and screamed, said 'please don't go!'#
Heihachi+Guitar Bloke+Haemmorhoid: #grandma take me home (x8 times cos I can't be bothered to write the whole thing out)#
Jin: man, it's like a dentist drill!
Hwo: Like this? (turns on dentist drill)
Jin: dammit man! stop that!
Heihachi: #I had to eat my dinner there, mashed potatoes and stuff like that, couldn't chew my meat too good#
Heihachi+Guitar Bloke+Haemmorhoid: #never take me home (x8 times cos I can't be bothered to write the whole thing out still)#
Heihachi: (more shrill and louder) #Grandpa told me 'stop ya crying! Go outside and ride your bike!' That's what I did! I killed my toooooad!#
Heihachi+Guitar Bloke+Haemmorhoid: #never take me home (x8 times cos I can't be bothered to write the whole thing out still)#
Nina: (holds out an AK-47) You die now you crappy singer!
Anna: Bet you wouldn't even hit him!
Nina: Why you bitch! (smacks Anna around)
Heihachi: #After dinner I had ice cream! I fell asleep and watched TV! I woke up in my mother's arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmaaarrrrrrmmms#
Guitar Bloke+Haemmorhoid: (during Heihachi 'arrrrms' bit) #never take me home, never take me home, never take me home, never take me home# (Heihachi joining in here now) never take me home (x several more times) I wanna be alooone!#
Tekk: (jaw drops) erm.....Heihachi everyone!
Audience: (smattering of applause)
Heihachi: (frowns)
Kazuya+Jin: Thank God!
Hwo: (dentist drill)
Jin: Dammmit! Stop that!!!
Tekk: And what do the judges give Heihachi for his Nirvana rendition?
Kazuya: 5 craps of out 5
Jin: Ditto
Tekk: I asked the judges you spikey-haired simpletons
Kazuya: hey! I'm the guy that made Tekken what it is
Jin: and I made people play Tekken 3
Tekk: Ok, ok, but anyway, judges, your score on heihachi
Judge1: (clears throat) No points, nil point, zilch, nada, nothing
Tekk: A simple 'No points' would've done y'know
Judge1: ...
Tekk: Anyway, next up is...uh-oh, Tiger Jackson
(Macabre tune)
Tekk: Lee, stop it!
Lee: (at piano) hey, y'know you'd prefer my rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
Tekk: Well....that's true
Kazuya: (muttering) Lee would know a lot about queens he would
Lee: What was that purple-suit?
Kazuya: grrr
Tiger: Yo, this is me an' Eddy on this
Tekk: Ok, Tiger and Eddy performing an old disco classic
Audience: (shudder with digust)
Tiger: (looks pissed)
Eddy: (testing microphone) 1-2-3,1-2-3, DJ Eddy in the house!
Distant Voice: This is an arena dumbass!
Eddy: Whatever
Jin: I'm gonna get a copyright on that quote soon
Hwo: Why? Squall got a copyright on it, but you keep using it
Lawyers: (keep one eye on Jin and the other on trying to hold up their heavy wallets)
Jin: (gulps)
Tiger: (on microphone) Everyone ready to boogie?
Audience: NO!
Dr Boskonovitch: I am! (does a Michael Jackson dance)
Dr Abel: Bah! My Billy Ray Cyrus linedance beats that anyday! (does linedance)
Bryan: (presses play on tape recorder)
Tape: #Don't tear my heart, my achy-breaky heart, cos I don't think she'd understa-(smash!)
Bryan: Hey, what did you do that for?
Bruce: There is no way in HELL that crap is gonna be played near me!
Lei: Tsk, childish fools
Eddy: An'a 1, an'a 2
Nina: More like 'Anna 20,000th'
Anna: Screw you skank! (kicks Nina down)
Tiger: (deep breath)
Haemmorhoid: Great, I guess I have to do the intro (does bass intro to 'Staying Alive')
Tiger: Oh wait a min. Nina, Nina, Nina
Armor King: Oi, oi, oi!
Nina: yes?
Tiger: Quick, gimme a kick! (gets kicked in the head) OW! no not there! 'theeerrree'
Nina: O_o weirdo (kicks Tiger in the mirrorballs)
Tiger: (in high pitched voice) thanx. Ok, restart
Haemmorhoid: Hope I'm getting paid for this (plays the intro again)
Eddy: Yo, Tiger's song goes a li'l something like this!
Tiger (singing in high-pitched voice and dancing along to the tuneas well as singing of course):
Well, you can tell by the way I shake my booty
That I ain't got no money
But I got my skills
And I'm dressed to kill
But you are nothing but ugly
But it's alright it's ok
There can be another way
Just get your suits and your Afro's on
Time to help me sing my song!
Eddy: BO SELECTA!
If you don't how to do it, then see how I do it cos I'm staying alive, staying alive
Just wiggle your hips like a sinking ship cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihiiiiiiiii
iiiihiiiiiiiiive!
Eddy: REWINDER! (Spins around and claps his hands)
Tiger: Yo Eddy, how bout some scratchin'?
Eddy: (scratches to the tune)
Tiger: Neat!
(Tiger and everyone singing along)
Now you can do just how I do it cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Wiggling your hips like sinking ships cos you're staying alive, staying alive
Ah, ah, ah, staying allliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
iiiiiiive!
Eddy: Tiger's in the house!
Lei: (does some breakdancing)
Tiger: Heheyeah! That's how it's done!
(song ends)
Tekk: Have you finished now?
Tiger: (nods)
Tekk: Ah, good (takes out earplugs) ok, the rest of y'all can take out your earplugs!
Audience: (sighs of contentment)
Lei: Well, I liked it
Kazuya: Well, you don't count you dumbass! Nor the bloke with the stupid hairdo
Eddy+Tiger+Paul+Heihachi: Looks who's talking
Eddy+Tiger+Paul+Heihachi: ?
Judge: Song was crap, end of story, no points! Plus it plagiarises not only the Beegee's and Saturday Night Fever, but another fanfic made by Tekk
Tekk: Keep it down!!! Anyway's, coming up on the show later tonight. Paul Phoenix doing a rendition of a Pearl Jam song-
Distant Voice: Oh brother!
Tekk: -Kazuya actually participaiting, and with a very emotional song as well
Kazuya: (smirks)
Tekk: -and Jin and Hwoarang doing a duet
Jin+Hwo: #Ooooooooohhhhhh my-
Tekk: Not now you imbeciles!
Jin: Hey, we're older then you, so back off
Tekk: (holds out a gun) I have a big gun and a short fuse, bring it!
J-C-C (identity witheld): ooh I say!
Jin: Ok then, we will! Come on Bobby!
Hwo: #Do the twist! ah ha!#
Heihachi: We've quite had enough of Kurt Cobain's antics thank you very much!
Steve: .....?
Ling: (starry eyes)
Julia: (waves hand in Ling's face) Bob!
Hwo: Who?
Kuma: Oro?!?
Panda: growf?
Paul: (reading up on lyrics with the sheet in one hand and a mug of cocoa in the other, whilst smoking a pipe in a big comfy armchair) Hey, why did I get stuck with the old grandad chair anyway?
Tekk: So you would-
Tekk+Kazuya+Nina+everyone else: SHUT UP!!!!!
Paul: (sticks tounge out at Tekk)
Lee: (sighs) what life is there for the most artistic Tekken character?
Combot: (loading) No idea, but I think Pierre-Aougust Renoir did a riccocco nude of Nina
Lee: ...(thinks about it, then stop as he doesn't want a stiletto heel in an intimate area)...why did I even bother making you?
Combot: (shuts down)
Jack-2: Pah, subject-Combot is a cheap faecial rip-off of us Jacks
GunJack: Yes, screwdriver you Subject-Lee!
P.Jack: And y-MALFUNCTION! (shuts down)
Dr Boskonovitch: (sighs and carries on doing Michael Jackson dances)
King+Armor King: #Vindaloo! Vindaloo!#
Kazuya: (throws a curry at King and Armor King) There's your f'ing Vindaloo!
(the theme to 'The Third Man' start playing)
Roger+Alex+Kuma+Panda: (start doing a line dance across the stage to 'The Third Man' theme)
Audience: ???????
Tekk: Don't look at me, I didn't do it!
Heihachi: Never should have adopted that bear now!
Ling: PANDA! Get back here!
(Panda goes back to Ling's side)
Ling: Bad Panda! Dancing to an old tune like that! Each time it's on you dance, it's like you're addicted (takes a swig the size of Alaska of coca cola) ahh, sweet caffiene...
Julia: (glowers at Hwoarang)
Hwoarang: Eep!
Jin: (deciding which gloves to wear) Dad-style, new-style, Dad-style, new-style...
Kazuya: (steals his style) Yoink!
Jin: ...new style it is (puts on his new T4 gloves)
Roger+Alex+Kuma: (line dance the other way back across the stage, and to the same music)
Tekk: (into walkie-talkie) we have a situation backstage, see to it.
Audience: ???
(Loud noise of animals squealing from behind backstage and then suddenly stopping)
Audience: O_O;;;;;;;;
Tekk: Tranquiliser darts
Audience: (sigh with relief)
Jun: Hope those animals are alright....for your sake Tekk! >: (
Tekk: Of course they are! Trust me! ^_^;;;;;;;; (runs backstage)
Tekk: Ok, next act was gonna be Jin and Hwo's duet of 'My Girl'
Jin: (enthusiastic)
Hwo: B-) (too busy staring at a girl called Lucy flying through the sky with diamonds amongst tangerine trees)
Tekk: -but as a short unrelated part in the show tonight, my band with be performing a little song
Paul: BOOOOOOO!!!! (throws beer can at Tekk)
Tekk: Ow! Grrrrrr, and this little song is dedicated to Mr 'Ice Ice Baby' up there
Paul: (moons Tekk) kiss this loser!
Si (lead guitarist of Tekk's Band): Yeah baby! Let's rock! (little 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' style guitar riff)
Adam (bassist): (thoughts: why am I here?)
Si.R (drummer): Ok (ahem) 1-2-3-4
(intro to 'Polly')
Hwo: (holding up ciggie lighter) Kurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt COBAIN!
Heihachi: hey! I already did a tune by that group!
Tekk (singing): #Paulie pulled his cracker-
Audience: O_O;;;;;;;;;;(sweatdrop)
Tekk: #Think I should slash his tyres. That is the last time, I ever let him sleep on my sofa#
Tekk+Si: #It wasn't me, it's not my seed, let me clamp, your bike wheels, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself. Got the Pope, you have been told, promise you, I have been true, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself!#
Paul: YOU @$$HOLES! (runs towards the stage)
Ling: (sticks her leg out and trips Paul up) oops! ;D
Tekk: #Paulie pulled his cracker. Watch out Forest Law!#
Forest: (looks around him suddenly and then gets his nunchaka's out and spins them around, knocking out Baek, Bruce and Bryan) oops
Tekk: #I guess I shouldn't have gave him, that xmas present#
Tekk+Si: #It wasn't me, it's not my seed, let me clamp, your bike wheels, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself. Got the Pope, you have been told, promise you, I have been true, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself!#
Tekk: #Paulie said# #Paulie says his back hurts, and he's more bored then me. I sent him off on an errand, then moved house quickly#
Tekk+Si: #It wasn't me, it's not my seed, let me clamp, your bike wheels, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself. Got the Pope, you have been told, promise you, I have been true, let me take a ride, shotgun. Want a lift-up? well suit yourself!#
(end)
Audience: (applause....grudgingly)
Paul: (gets out an iron bar)
Tekk: (gets out a bigger iron bar)
Paul: (gets out an even bigger iron bar)
Tekk: (gets out a sleeping Lei and throws him at Paul)
Paul: Waag-oof!
Lei: zzzzzzzzzz
Tekk: And now, Jin and Hwo's duet
Jin: Yes! :D
Hwo: (floats onto stage)
Jin: (in microphone) testing testing, 1-2-3, my grandad smells a bit like wee
Heihachi: ...uh-oh (runs to the bathroom)
Kazuya: Don't forgot your lotion (mumbling) you bald baboon!
Jin: This is an old tune to a film with Macaulay Culkin in
Hwo: (hands on cheeks) AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!! There! Done!
Jin: Darnit Hwo, we're supposed to be singing!
Hwo: Well I'll do it by myself then!
Jin: Fine! (storms off stage)
Hwo: Ok, I'll be performing a DECENT song, see if you can figure out what it is. Take it away Guitar Bloke!
Guitar Bloke: Ok (takes away one of King's beers)
Hwo: Erm, I meant, start the song
Guitar Bloke: Fine (plays the intro)
Hwo: #Do you have the time? to listen to me whine? about nothing and everything that I want?#
Jin: How come I thought he'd sing this?
Ling: (shrugs her little shoulders)
Hwo: #I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it#
Snotrag: (taps high-hat)(thoughts: wow, rock and roll!)
Hwo: #Sometimes I give myself the creeps#
Paul: x.x (outcold from Lei attack)
Lei: zzzzzzzz
Hwo: #Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me#
Lee: :Ui damn, this rocks...or is it the cigarettes?
Hwo: #It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up)
(big guitar riff)
Audience: WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Hwo+Guitar Bloke: #Am I just paranoid? yeah yeah yeah#
Christie: (headbanging, with 'rock' on sign)
Jin: (has a whole cotton wool shipment in his ears)
Hwo: #I went to a shrink, to analyse my dreams. He says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down#
Anna: Nina's taking requests!
Nina: >: (
Hwo: #I went to a whore-#
Nina: Hey Anna, you got a mention in the song
Anna: >: (
Hwo: #She said my life's a bore, so quit my whining cos it's just bringing her down#
Craig: (holding up a cigarette lighter)
King: (holding up the burning effigies of Craig and for some reason, Osama Bin Liner)
Hwo+Guitar Bloke: #Sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up. Am I just paranoid? yeah yeah yeah#
Heihachi: (comes back in the arena with a fresh diaper, but with a worse smell)
Kazuya: Oh goddamn! Get the hell away from me! you smell like shi-
Jun: (shakes head at Kazuya)
Kazuya: Er, you smell like poop (god that sounded so pathetic)
Hwo: #Grasping to controoooooooool. So I better hold on#
Guitar Bloke: (playing solo)
Hwo: (does a rendition of that scene from 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest' where he throws a sink at the window, only this time, at Jin)
Jin: What the-? (ducks. Sink flies through the air, with Yoshimitsu narrowly teleporting out of it's way, as does Kunimitsu, and then it hits Forest Law)
Forest: Ow-(unconscious)
Paul: Forest! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Marshall: (timing how long)
Paul: -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Marshall: 30 seconds
Paul: Damn!
Hwo+Guitar Bloke: #Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. It all keeps adding up, I think I'm cracking up. Am I just paranoid?#
Hwo: #yeah yeah yeeeeeaaaaaah#
Audience: (headbanging, with 'rock on' signs and cigarette lighters)
Guitar Bloke: (ends with riff)
Audience: WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tekk: Ok, quiet now
Audience: (ferocious applause)
Tekk: I said, quiet now
Audience: ENCORE! ENCORE!
Tekk: SHUT THE ^&*^%* WHEN I'M TALKING-hey look, Julia in the sky with diamonds! (falls asleep)
Jun: Thank heavens for psychic powers :D
Julia: What am I doing on the roof anyway?
(Tekken Kareoke-not discontinued...well, not yet)
Tekk: Anyway, that was Bob with Greenday's 'Basketcase'. Judges?
Judge1: (with sheet of paper, clears throat, deep inhale) ...no points...
Tekk: hmmm, controversial decision, but anyway, coming up, Paul singing a Pearl Jam song, Lee singing 'Billie Jean', Lei performing a Human League song and our grand finale, but now, a little intermission show by the Tekkenshu
Heihachi: Make your employer proud!
Kazuya: (bashes Heihachi with a giant metal bar)
Jin: hey, it's my turn with the metal bar!
Kazuya: But you used the baseball bat last time, so it's my turn to use the metal bar! Check your notebook
Jin: (flicks through notebook. Looks at page titled Kazuya's Weapons ) Ah, ok dad, carry on
(The Tekkenshu take to the stage)
Audience: (applause)
Tekkenshu (all together. To the tune of the 'Knights Of Camelot' song from 'Monty Python's Quest For The Holy Grail'): #We are the Tekkenshu, we're black, we're green or blue. We can kick, we can trick and we do a dance too. We are the Tekkenshu and we cause a great to-do!#
Kuma+Panda+Alex+Roger: (Can-Can dance across the food table)
Paul: >:-o Hey! Leggo of my chicken drumstick!
Kuma: Grrr >:-o
Tekkenshu: #We are the Tekkenshu, and we think you smell of poo. We just rock, and if you say it's luck, then just (beep) you too. We are the Tekkenshu, and I've missed Bus Number 42!#
Kuma+Panda+Alex+Roger: (tap dance on table)
Jane: (plays a tune using the Jack's head, and then bashes Combot to bits)
Jun: >: (There are CHILDREN reading this!
King: Reading this?
Tekkenshu: #We are the Tekkenshu#
Kuma+Panda+Alex+Roger: (runs up and down table)
Tekkenshu: #We cause a great to-do#
Chocobo's: (do a can-can on the opposite side of the room)
Tekkenshu: #We can sing without a twing and say 'this present's for you. We are the Tekkenshu#
Crow Soldier: (bass voice) #And we say Heihachi smells of pooo#
Kuma+Panda+Alex+Roger+Chocobo's: (finish with a quick tap dance)
Tekkenshu: (pose)
Heihachi: .....you're all fired!!!! >: (
Tekk: The, now Ex-Tekkenshu ladies and gentlemen!
Audience: (wild applause)
Tekk: And now for something completely different, Craig Marduk hugging King
'Craig: I love you man!
King: I love you too! (kissy kissy, but none of the 'Je t'aime moi non et plus')'
King+Craig: >:o( (not amused)
Tekk: (gulp) Ok...er.....(best not show the Jin and Hwoarang Tunnel of Love video)
Jin+Hwo: ??????
Tekk: Erm, anyway, who have we got next? Aha, it's Lei Wulong singing 'Don't you want me baby?'-
Bryan+Bruce: #Don't you want me? oooooohhhhohoh#
Lei: Not yet you numbskulls (thwops Bryan and Bruce)
Bryan: (does Curley Stooge impression)
Lei: (into microphone) ahem....testing testing, 1-2-3, I've got a ticket so ride with me
Distant Voice: I thought it was Human League, not the Red Hot Chilli's
(intro)
Distant Voice: Oh
Lei: #You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, when I met you. I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around
Turned you into someone new
Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet
Success has been so easy for you
But don't forget it's me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back down too#
Tekk: I sense bitterness for a lost love (drinks coffee)
Kazuya: That bitterness is probably the disinfectant I put in your coffee
Tekk: (splutters)
Lei: #Don't, don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me
It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry#
Lei+Bryan+Bruce: #Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohoooohohohh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohhhhoohohohoh#
Anna: (ahem) well, they needed a female part, and here I am
Nina: Well go on them you silly cow!
Anna (after frowning at Nina): #I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
That much is true
But even then I knew I'd find a much better place
Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good times
I still love you
But now I think it's time I lived my life on my own
I guess it's just what I must do#
Nina: (about to throw a grenade at Anna, but is restrained by Jun, Michelle, and a frighteningly willing Paul)
Paul: mmmmm, Bournville (drools)
Nina: (takes out her anger on Paul)
Paul: waagh!
Lei: #Don't, don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me
It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry#
Lei+Bryan+Bruce+Anna: #Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohhhhhhohoohohhhhhh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me ohooooohhhohohohh (x2)#
Audience: (smattering of applause)
Bryan: APPLAUD US DECENTLY BEFORE I RIP THE OVERLOVING ^*%^&*&**^**())&^%^%**(^$%^& OUTTA ALL OF YOU &*^*ING &*^*ERS!!!!!!
Audience: (giant applause)
Bryan: Much better
Lei: Oh Bryan, you silly little psycho you
Bryan: grrrrrr
Lei: (gulp)
'King: I love you Craig
Craig: I love you too King'
King+Craig: GRR!!! TEEEEEKKKKK!!!!!)
Tekk: (gulps and runs backstage, with King and Craig in pursuit)
5 mins later
Tekk: (looking rough) after a brief scuffle-
King+Craig: >:oD
Tekk: I have agreed to read out this notice (ahem), 'I, Tekkenicus, of sound and body, take back my remarks of a yaoi-style relationship between King II and Craig Marduk. They are simply neutral beings.'
King: hear hear!
Tekk: And now for something completely different
'Hwo: (carrying Jin in his arms to the tunes of 'Up Where We Belong'
Hwo+Jin: >;o(
Tekk: hehehe ^_^;;;;(sweatdrop) Now here we would have Paul singing a Pearl Jam song, but since he's been taken to hospital after a fight with Kuma over a chicken drumstick..
Kuma: :oD
Tekk: -we've quickly gotten an extra act in. Yoshimitsu dancing. I told him it was singing, but his green sword was very persuasive
(Intro to 'Rock DJ' by Robbie Williams >V< )
Tekk: (thoughts: why Yoshi why?)
Yoshimitsu: #Me with the torso, kicking with the floorshow, boys getting high and the girls even more so#
Jin: sounds familiar ¬_¬
Hwo+Ling: ^_^;;;;;;(sweatdrop)
Yoshi: #Wave your hands if you're not with the man, can I kick it?#
Audience: No you can't!
Yoshi >: ( #I got-
Audience: A sword
Yoshi: #You got-
Audience: SODA!!!!!!!!!!!
Yoshi: #We got-
Tekk: Oh please, stop right there before I lose my lunch (pushes Yoshi off stage) the song is killing me!
Kazuya: Then continue!
Tekk: >;o(
Jin: (chuckles)
Tekk: Jin, do you want your @$$ handed to you on a silver plateer with parsley and salad?
Jin: Sure, yeah, anything you say (playing on Gameboy Advance)
Hwo: (rolls eyes)
Ling: (does the same)
Yoshi: awwwww, and I didn't even get to the part where I strip down to my skeleton!
Kuni: You can do that?
Yoshi: Sure! (does so) see?
Eddy: hey, green muscles
Bryan: Ew!
Ling: (covers eyes) is the scary part over?
Hwo: >:o) why yes
Ling: (uncovers eyes)
Yoshi: (something slops out of Yoshi) Whoops! there goes my heart. Luckily it's still beating
Ling: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hwo: >:oD mwahahaahahahahahahahahahahaa!
Jin: Now that was just cruel
Hwo: C'mon, you enjoyed it and you know it!
Jin: ....
Devil: Hey, we made it! no thanks to Ms Slow-driver here!
Angel: Well, if you find driving at 500mph into a traffic jam safe then go do it yourself!
Devil: Hey Halo-head! If haven't guessed, WE'RE IMMORTAL!!!!!!!!
Kazuya: Shut up the pair of you! Don't make me use the cane! (holds a thin cane)
Devil+Angel: (shut up)
Jin: (thanks the lord that he wasn't raised by his dad)
King: WE'RE DRIVING TO FLORRRRIIIDAAAAA!!!!!!!! (passes out)
Paul: ok, that was unexpected...
Armor King: #AND I THINK TO MYSELF, WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!!!!# (passes out)
Marshall: That was even more unexpected
Craig: #I'm sorry that I hurt you...I'm sorry that I made you cry. I didn't mean to hurt you....I'm just a jealous guy# (passes out)
Paul+Marshall: And that was just screwed up
Paul+Marshall: (look at each other)
Paul+Marshall: JINX!
Forest: (sighs) dumbasses
(more to come after these commercial messages)
'BUY MISHIMA-BRAND HAIR GEL! MAKES YOUR HAIR HARDER THEN TITANIUM!'
'Mishima- brandhairgelincorporatedwillnotbeheldres
ponsibleforpermanentkazuyamishima/jinkazamahairstyleintheformofspikes.Alwaysredthelabel.Termsandconditionsapply'
(back to the show)
Tekk: Ok, what's next? (reads through list)
Paul: (clears throat) #aaaaaaaaaahhhhhoooohhhhhh I'll stay alive#
Tekk: Sorry Paulie, I cancelled your song after your run-in with Kuma....wait a min, shouldn't you be at the hospital
Paul: I'll be ok, I've had worse injuries
Tekk: What's worse then a whole bodycast?
Paul: A videotape of Heihachi getting a colonic irrigation
Tekk: (shudders) thanx for that scenario Phoenix! Anyway (looking through list) aha! Lee singing 'Billie Jean'
Billie Jean-King: who? me?
Tekk: No! The Michael Jackson song
Michael Jackson: (does the old 'grab-your-knackers-thing') OW!
Bryan: hmm (tries it) ow! ...hey, doesn't hurt really
Lei: Well I bet that's been dead longer then you have
Bryan: Least I don't lose girlfriends to my partners Wulong!
Lei: (eyes wobble) you..you..(runs out of the arena)
Bruce: Now that was just cruel.....(high 5's Bryan)
Lee: Ok, I got my tuxedo (with trademark carnation) now to set out that little path with the lighting pavement slabs
GunJack+Jack-2: (dance on light path)
Jack-2: This light path is inferior, it doesn't even play a tune when you step on a slab
GunJack: Wait Subject-Jack-2. (dances on light path and plays the intro to 'Sweet Child O'Mine'-Guns N Roses)
Audience: O_O!!!!
Jack-2: Self is impressed
Lee: Hey, you 2, get off those things!
Jack-2: I wave my metallic posterior at you Subject-Lee (moons Lee)
Combot: (appears and kicks the Jacks offstage)
Lee: Better, ok, is everyone ready for some talent?
Steve: Well, if we haven't had any by now then we never will
Lee: (rolls eyes) anyway, now for my song, it's call-
Audience: GET ON WITH THE &^&%ING SHOW!
Jun: STOP SWEARING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Distant voice: &*^$ you!
Jun: (holding up an Uzi) Would you try repeating that now?
Distant voice: (gulp) n-no
Jun: Well, shut up then!
Lee: (sighs) 1-2-3
Guitar Bloke+Haemmorhoid: (thoughts: ewwww, Michael Jackson songs!)(play intro)
Lee: #She was more like a beauty queen
From a movie scene
I said, 'don't mind
But what do you mean
I am the one
Who will dance on the floor, in the round'
She said, 'I am the one who will dance
On the floor in the round' #
Kazuya+Heihachi: O_O!!!!!!
Nina: he kinda looks dreamy here ^_^
Anna: (sighs contentedly)
Nina: shut up bitch!
Lee: (dancing along the light path) #She told me her name was Anna Williams
As she caused a scene
Then every head turned with eyes
That dreamed of being the one
Who will dance on the floor, in the round#
#People always told me,
'Be careful of what you do
And don't go around
Breaking young girls' hearts'
And mother always told me,
'Be careful of who you love
And be careful what you do
'Cause the lie becomes the truth'#
Nina: Here it comes...
Lee: #Anna Williams is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that
I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son#
Steve: Dad? is that you?
Nina: (looks at Anna suspicously...ok, more suspiciously then normal)
Anna: er, hehe ^_^;;;;;(sweatdrop)
Lee: #For forty days and forty nights
Law was on her side-#
Marshall: Actually I was more into Nina then Anna.
Lee: #But who can stand
When she's in demand
Her schemes and plans
'Cause we danced on the floor, in the round
So take my strong advice
Just remember to always think twice
(Do think twice)
Do think twice#
Heihachi: Something Kazuya should've done
Kazuya: ...hmm, you're right in a way..
Jun: A-HEM!
Kazuya: Erm,I mean shut up you old fart
Lee: #She told my baby
We danced till three
And she looked at me
Then showed a photo
My baby cried
His eyes were like mine
Can we dance on the floor, in the round, babe#
Judge1: (whispering) I think we have a winner
Judge2: (whispering back) I think you need to zip up your fly
Judge1: (whispering) huh? oh crap!
Lee: (spins around and changes into his unicorn vest and jeans)
Lee fangirls: (scream)
Kazuya: pah
Heihachi: (into audio journal) 'and so I finally found proof that my adopted son Lee was gay...'
Lee: (after kicking Heihachi in the face)
#People always told me,
'Be careful of what you do
And don't go around
Breaking young girls' hearts'
(Don't break no hearts)
But you came and stood right by me
Just a smell of sweet perfume
This happened much too soon
She called me to her room#
Anna: Erm, I'm just going to the bathroom (runs out the door)
Nina: This I gotta see (runs after her)
Steve: Mommy! (runs after the both of them)
Lee: #Anna Williams is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that
I am the one
But the kid is not my son
No, no, no, no, no #
(spins around and changes into his purple top)
Audience: O_O!
Jin: Cool, now try turning into a car like in Moonwalker!
Lee: #Anna Williams is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that
I am the one
But the kid is not my son
No, no
She says I am the one
(Oh, babe)
But the kid is not my son#
Tekk: hmmm, wait till the newspapers hear this!
Lee: #She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son
No, no, no
Anna Williams is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that
I am the one
(You know what you did to me, babe)
But the kid is not my son
No, no, no, no
She says I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one
You know what you did
She says he is my son
Breaking my heart, babe
She says I am the one
Anna Williams is not my lover
Anna Williams is not my lover
Anna Williams is not my lover
Anna Williams is not my lover#
Audience: (applause)
Lee: Thank you, thank you, you're all-(looking through the lyrics he just sung) oops (spins around and disappears)
Audience: (stunned silence)
Kazuya: Damn!
(Tekken Kareoke- The Final Edition)
Heihachi: I only have one son now...
Kazuya: You always had only one son, Lee was just something you dragged in
Heihachi: Shut up
Devil: Hey, where'd Angel go?
Kazuya: urgh...don't feel good
Devil: oh no....
Unknown: (makes her appearance) I was the Distant voice by the way people
Audience: DUUH!!!!!
Tekk: Ok, final act for tonight-
Eddy: #When the going gets tough#
Paul+Bryan: #The tough get going#
Tekk: Erm, no, but here's a short song by a lumberjack
Lumberjack: #Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,
I sleep all night and I work all day.#
Paul+Bryan+Hwo+Jin+Kazuya+Heihachi: #He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.#
Lumberjack: #I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.#
Paul+Bryan+Hwo+Jin+Kazuya+Heihachi: #He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,
He goes to the lava-try.
On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'
And has buttered scones for tea.
He's a Lumberjack and he's ok, he sleeps all night and he works all day#
Lumberjack: #I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.#
Paul+Bryan+Hwo+Jin+Kazuya+Heihachi:
#He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????
He's a lumberjack and he's ok, he sleeps all night and he works all day#
Lumberjack: #I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear mama#
Paul+Bryan+Hwo+Jin+Kazuya+Heihachi:
#He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
Suspenders?? and a - a Bra????
Paul: What's this? Wants to be a *girlie*?
Jun: Oh, My!
Lumberjack's Girlfriend: And I thought you were so rugged!
Lumberjack: (
Tekk: I've just gotten a complaint about that song now. (clears throat) 'Dear Sir,
I wish to complain on the stronglyest possible terms about the previous entry in this file about the lumberjack who wears womens' clothes. Some of my best friends are lumberjacks, and only a FEW of them are transvestites.
Yours faithfully,
Laurence Llewelyn-Bown, Mrs.
P.S. I have never kissed Heihachi Mishima.'
Audience: (look at Heihachi suspiciously)
Heihachi: er, umm, er-OH MY GOD! WHAT'S THAT? (point to the stage then runs out of the arena)
Tekk: And now our grand finale, Kazuya's emotional song....er...where is Kazuya?
Kazuya: (with blonde hair, a white version of the purple suit and a halo) hello everyone ^_^
Devil: ANGEL!!! Get out of there you dumb broad!
Kazuya: Silence thy tounge! (punches Devil in the mouth)
Devil: MMFPH!
Jin: Mom, dad's scaring me
Jun: I know honey, I know
Audience+Press: (hold camera's up and take photo's of Angel Kazuya)
Tekk: Anyway...STOP FLASHING!
Hwo: Erm, Anna isn't here Tekk
Tekk: Then who's flashing?
Audience: (look at Unknown)
Unknown: Of course it wasn't me you grubby perverts! >_o!!!!!
Tekk: Anyway, Kazuya, what are you gonna be performing?
Kazuya: You'll see
Tekk: Ok, Kazuya performing a song...wait, where'd Guitar Bloke, Haemmorhoid and Snotrag go to?
At The Bar...[/U/
Snotrag+Haemmorhoid+Guitar Bloke: (in a drunken slur) #I'm sorry that I hurrrrtttt yoooouuuuu, I'mm sorrrrrryyy that I maaaadeee you crrrryyyyy...#
[U]Back at the Arena
Tekk: (shrugs) anyway, start the song
Kazuya: (ahem) this is a lovely song, originally by Louis Armstrong, so enjoy it
Jun+Jin: O_o??
King+Armor King: #And through it, oohhhhhhh-# (pass out)
(Intro)
Jin: Uh-oh
Kazuya: #I see trees of green-
Jin: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Tekk: Shut up baka! (fwaps Jin)
Jin: Ow!
Kazuya: #Red roses too. I see them bloom (giving Jun a rose) and I think to myself, what a wondeful world#
Paul: I'm enjoying this! (holding up camcorder)
Forest: Erm, Paul?
Paul: Not now! I'm filming! Wait until Namco see this!
Forest: They won't see it. You haven't put a tape in
Paul: &(&^-#come onto the mystery tour!# (falls asleep)
Jun: Oops, did my powers do that?
Kazuya: #I see skies of blue, and clouds of white.
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night-#
Jun:
Kazuya: #And I think to myself, what a wonderful world#
Jin: (clawing at doors) LEMME OUT!!!!! DAD'S GONE INSANE!!!!!
Hwo: (also clawing at doors) YEAH! LET US OUT!!!
Kazuya: The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky#
Julia: (still on roof) why thank you. I like my artwork to have positive feedback
Kazuya: #The smiles on the faces of the people going by#
Audience: (look glum)
Kazuya: #I see friends shaking hands-#
Tekk: (Plays video of various Tekken friends shaking hands)
Kazuya: #Saying, how do you do? They're really, saying-#
Tekk: (plays King and Craig hugging and kissing again)
Kazuya: #I love you#
Audience: awwwwww
King+Craig: DON'T 'AWWW'!!!!
Kazuya: #I hear babies crying#
Jin: (crying)
Kazuya: #I watch them grow#
Tekk: (Plays an old home movie of Jin when he was a kiddie)
Hwo: awww, look at cute li'l naked Jin on the carpet
Jin: Shut up junkie-boy
Kazuya: #They'll learn so much more, then I'll ever know#
Tekk: (plays Jin's T3 ending)
Kazuya: #And I think to myself.....what a wondeful.wooooooorrrrrrlldddd!!!!!#
(end)
Audience: (thunderous applause)
Jun: (plants a big old kiss on Kazuya)
Ling: ...oh, what the hell (Plants a big kiss on Jin)
Lei: *sniff, I don't have anyone to kiss...
Panda: (advances)
Lei: I don't do bears
Bryan: (kisses Lei) There, happy?
Lei: Yuck! No fish-lips!
Bryan: (hisses)
Lei: Ok, ok, I'm happy
JUdge: Winner-Kazuya
Kazuya: (back with normal hair) what's going on?
Jun: You won the Tekken Kareoke!
Kazuya: Didn't think they'd like 'Vasoline' by the Stone Temps
Devil: Angel, we'll talk about this after the show
Angel: (sigh) ok....(looks left, then right, then gives the thumbs up to Kazuya) good luck tonight
Kazuya:
Jin: excuse me whilst I barf in the nearest bucket (pukes)
Lee: Erm, you just puked in Combot's programming!!!
Audience: (really gigantic applause, even from the Tekken Characters, especially the Jacks)
Tekk: #And now....the end is near, and this fic faces, the final curtain-#
Steve: SHUT IT YOU SCHLAG!
|
|
|